English Ki Aisi Taisi

It has been over 60 years since we became independent of the British rule. Still, the English language seems to dominate our social and business environment. We often come across people who literally bleed while using English but still want to prove themselves with their English conversation. After hearing their versions of English, I feel that they are not sparing any opportunity to revenge the British rule in India.

Manohar was one such character I met. He was working as a junior officer in a company. People read, write and speak English. Manohar was living English. Only thing his version of English was difficult to understand even for the British people.

Once we were chatting about our common friends. Manohar made some mention about one of his friends that he is an expert in investigation. I asked, “What does he investigate?” “He investigates in shares, mutual funds and even futures and options.” So, he wanted to say investments instead of investigation.

Once the Vice President (VP) of his company who was based out of another city, came to his office. The VP wanted to go out for some work. Though a company car was available, no driver was there. Manohar said to the VP, “Sir, don’t worry! I am a good driver. I will drive you out.” Fortunately, the VP was aware of Manohar’s deep love for English, otherwise it would have been Manohar’s turn to be driven out of the company.

At some other occasion, Manohar was talking about a celebrity. We heard him saying something like, “his population is very high.” We were puzzled. After struggling with him for a while, we understood that he was referring to the celebrity’s popularity and not population.

Lastly, Manohar was once talking to one of our guests who had come from a far off place. That year we had a poor rainfall in our region. Manohar said, “you know, this time there was a very severe feminine here due to which we have food shortage and we are getting supply of food grains from other parts of the country.” So, this gentleman wanted to say “famine” instead of “feminine”.

There are more funny instances of his assaults on English but please excuse me for not sharing them, since I don’t want to spoil your English. So, all that I want to say is that do not feel ashamed to express yourself in vernacular languages wherever you are not comfortable with English.