Before you expect to read anything on how
anger is bad and harmful for you and how great are the people who forgive their
offenders, let me clarify one thing – I am not a philosopher, but a common man
with a practical approach to life. So do not expect a discourse with a high
level from me on this topic.
I do get angry and get angry very often and
that too, over trivial matters (that is what people around me say though I
disagree with this), but for good reasons. I do not get angry for no reason.
But I must admit one thing – my anger has caused more damage to my own health while
people with whom I get angry make merry and enjoy their life as usual.
In everyone’s life, one comes across a
person or persons sometime or the other who offends him (or her), insults or
causes harm. This harm can be incidental having a temporary effect or can have
a permanent effect such as loss of a lifelong relationship, loss of a job, etc.
It is normal and natural to get angry over
such matters, but that can be only the first reaction. An individual with a reasonable
thinking ability will try to find out the trigger behind such a behavior of the
offending person. Especially when that person has done something good for you
over a period, then it will be unjust to judge him simply by one stray
incident, ignoring whatever he did for you till then.
Analyzing the incident with an unbiased
mind, talking to that person and opening your mind, if appropriate, can be the
ways to reach conclusion about why he might have misbehaved with you. Perhaps
you may come to know about your own weakness that others were hesitant to tell
you.
In such a situation, it is important to accept
your mistake and make a peace with the other person. But what if the other
person is at fault? This can happen under various scenarios as offenders belong
to various categories.
Certain people help those in distress vehemently,
but they expect that the distressed people should perpetually live in that
condition on their help and with the time their situation starts improving, the
helping people start showing their jealousy or sometimes, even enmity.
Some people belong to exactly the opposite
category. They side with you whenever your times are good, but turn their faces
when your times turn adverse.
Experience of a boss favouring someone not
so capable just to pose a threat to your position is also common. There are
situations where one has to leave his otherwise favourite job just because of
internal politics in the company.
Now comes the most important question –
what should you do after something wrong has happened to you? Should you
revenge that person or forgive that person?
In my view, nothing – whether you revenge
or forgive that person, will change your life. In fact, if you keep thinking about
that person, that will make your life worse. It not only affects your health
but you give more power to that person by thinking about him. So my suggestion
is that focus on salvaging your situation. If you have lost your job or a job
loss is in the foresight, focus on getting a new job to meet your requirement.
If someone has caused a misunderstanding in your precious relationship with another
person, clarify the reality and save your relationship with the person precious
to you. If someone has deliberately given you misinformation to cause a loss to
your business, remove that person and appoint a new reliable person to help
your business grow.
In any case, just chop that person out of
your life as if he never existed for you. Don’t try to do a tit-for-tat with
him or even forgive him. The very thing that you think about him indicates that
he still matters to you and occupies a place in your mind negatively.
However, one thing to check is whether that
person can cause any further harm to you after the damage is already done. If
he still holds nuisance power then it is absolutely necessary to stop him from
causing any further damage. But these are the measures to protect your own
interest and not any retaliation acts. Further, in case of abnormal incidents
such as murder, burglary, etc., it is necessary to bring the culprit to
justice; therefore, follow up of legal action has to be done.
Some may think, what about the karma of the
offender? How will he pay back for his deeds? Don’t worry, I have seen numerous
cases where those offending someone once were so much beaten by their destiny later
on that they had to bite dust and reduced themselves to pathetic living beings.
Some of them did not even have comfort of a peaceful death.
Here, I remember example of Steve Jobs. He
was ousted from Apple, the company he co-founded after his arrogance and whims
became intolerable. At the first instance, it was his mistake and he had to pay
for it. But it seemed an unfair exchange as he shouldn’t have been removed from
his own company. But he founded another company without holding any grudge and
brought it up with his business skills. As Board of Directors of Apple found it
very tough to run the company without Steve Jobs, they called him back, thereby
eating a humble pie.
Wow... This is very helpful
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